Sunday, May 19, 2013
2013 horrors. | Go to post ➜
First (and prolly the only) post in 2013. Here goes nothing. With regards to the sudden intention of blogging, that was mainly because I randomly decided to read my blogger again, and realised how intriguing my life stories have been. Yes, it also feels nice in a weird way, reading about my initial worries of JC and having gone through and surviving the whole journey, it's rather satisfying.
(Blogger's been neglected due to my Tumblr. Yet, there is a strange sense of privacy here that I'd choose any time over Tumblr.)
My days? Well, they have been pretty shitty. To put in simple words, I have to deal with everyone's questions of, 'Why don't you just text him?'. The easiest reply would be the fact that the ball is not in my court. No point in me texting/bugging/annoying him, while he gets fed-up since he wants his own space. Sigh. Well, then there's the other common question of, 'How's your boyfriend?' Or 'Don't you meet him?'. And for now, the most heart-wrenching question would be, 'Are you attached?'. It's not so hard to answer a simple yes or no, as to reply a 'Yes' but explain how you haven't been in contact for a month and two weeks plus, or how you have not met in over two months. Then, as you think about whether lying through your teeth and replying a 'No' works, you realise that whatever's happening, is already in fact leaning towards a 'no'. Yet, it kills you to face the truth. Neither do you want to confront the possibility of it occurring.
Everyone's going, 'Huh, doesn't he miss you/care whether you've been all right?'. Truthfully, I really don't know. I'd honestly love to hear his response, but for now (at least), I gotta keep praying that he does and convince myself that he's just unsure and needs more time. Here's where things get complicated. Being overly understanding, I keep putting myself in his shoes. Then every once in awhile when a friend, or two, pops by asking such questions as mentioned, I feel a dilemma when I go a lil' like, 'Yea, that's true. Does he not think about me?'. Yet, I know he's someone who doesn't show his problems and keeps 'em to himself. Obviously, he wouldn't proclaim his relationship issues to the world right? I guess from that perspective, he may seem totally fine and act like nothing's happening, but in actual fact, is contemplating. I don't know. Geez, I'm doing it again aren't I. I really think I'm too soft and gutless when it comes to these stuff.
-chuckles- But of course, there's this slightly overly hopeful side of me that knows he will return. And that side constantly prays hard that when he does, it'll be more of a sincere comeback that starts with a phone call or a surprise visit below the block when he asks, 'Can you come down/over for awhile?' instead of the conveniently overused text system. Oh well. Guess I'm hoping a lil' too much. For now, all I can pray for is a reply. I hope that's not too much to ask for.
Ugh. Massive migraines are back. Shall sleep now and pray that the next time I visit my long-lost blog, I will be letting out a sigh of relief, knowing how things changed for the better. And maybe a smile too.
I wish you well, future me.
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Note-to-self: | Go to post ➜
'No matter what, don't give up the fight. There are so many people out there who have the same capacity to do what you do. The only thing that differentiates between them and you, is the amount of perseverance and willpower that you have, allowing you to continue pushing on even in the toughest times.'
I'll always be supporting you, xoxo.
Your conscience (even when all else fails)
Sometimes, you just wanna tell someone the truth about everything; how much you miss your long conversations, your silly jokes with one another, how things used to be so simple yet enjoyable and carefree, without arguments, fights, just plain happy memories; yet even a simple, 'Hey, I've something to say.' is hard. What then, can you do?
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Frowns | Go to post ➜
I think, I might just, kinda, sorta, inevitably, uncontrollably, miss you.
Yet, such huge confusion arises as to who you are.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Happiness, | Go to post ➜
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Blissful. | Go to post ➜
All this thinking, it's got me reflecting...
Inevitably, the memories just flash pass and though it didn't last for long, they were happy ones. It was really enjoyable, reliving those days or at least embracing the humourous times we used to share. Somehow, I'm confused. But maybe, I guess, I just miss a best friend. And that friendship that somehow faded away due to unforeseen circumstances. Either way, thank you.
Who let the cow out, moo moo moo moo~
Such a coincidental timing.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
It's complicated, | Go to post ➜
Well, I don't know. It's either me, or I'm just thinking too much. I'm excitedly waiting for that day to come. Yet, I have mixed feelings about it. Walking down a path, it just brings back so many memories, don't 'ya think? I guess I haven't fully gotten over the whole thing, though it's already been over a year. Gone. Just like that.
What I need most now? I guess I just want to splurt out everything; how I feel, what I'm worrying about and just everything. At the same time, I just wish for us to remain the way it is. There's a whole new chapter in my life now, or at least when JC started, and I hope for it to be the same. It isn't so great over there either. But at least I'm trying to make it different.
Now I know what they mean when they say, 'It's complicated'.
P.s. I never thought I'd feel such worries/pessimism etc so soon, again.
I don't think you've heard ★
I'm your worst nightmare,
Someone you'd never meet.
I've faced many failures in life,
But I don't reckon that I'm a total loser.
On the contrary...
I'll be your greatest dream,
Someone you'd love and never forget.
traumatic lust ♡