Sunday, May 19, 2013

2013 horrors. | Go to post ➜

First (and prolly the only) post in 2013. Here goes nothing. With regards to the sudden intention of blogging, that was mainly because I randomly decided to read my blogger again, and realised how intriguing my life stories have been. Yes, it also feels nice in a weird way, reading about my initial worries of JC and having gone through and surviving the whole journey, it's rather satisfying.

(Blogger's been neglected due to my Tumblr. Yet, there is a strange sense of privacy here that I'd choose any time over Tumblr.)

My days? Well, they have been pretty shitty. To put in simple words, I have to deal with everyone's questions of, 'Why don't you just text him?'. The easiest reply would be the fact that the ball is not in my court. No point in me texting/bugging/annoying him, while he gets fed-up since he wants his own space. Sigh. Well, then there's the other common question of, 'How's your boyfriend?' Or 'Don't you meet him?'. And for now, the most heart-wrenching question would be, 'Are you attached?'. It's not so hard to answer a simple yes or no, as to reply a 'Yes' but explain how you haven't been in contact for a month and two weeks plus, or how you have not met in over two months. Then, as you think about whether lying through your teeth and replying a 'No' works, you realise that whatever's happening, is already in fact leaning towards a 'no'. Yet, it kills you to face the truth. Neither do you want to confront the possibility of it occurring.

Everyone's going, 'Huh, doesn't he miss you/care whether you've been all right?'. Truthfully, I really don't know. I'd honestly love to hear his response, but for now (at least), I gotta keep praying that he does and convince myself that he's just unsure and needs more time. Here's where things get complicated. Being overly understanding, I keep putting myself in his shoes. Then every once in awhile when a friend, or two, pops by asking such questions as mentioned, I feel a dilemma when I go a lil' like, 'Yea, that's true. Does he not think about me?'. Yet, I know he's someone who doesn't show his problems and keeps 'em to himself. Obviously, he wouldn't proclaim his relationship issues to the world right? I guess from that perspective, he may seem totally fine and act like nothing's happening, but in actual fact, is contemplating. I don't know. Geez, I'm doing it again aren't I. I really think I'm too soft and gutless when it comes to these stuff.

-chuckles- But of course, there's this slightly overly hopeful side of me that knows he will return. And that side constantly prays hard that when he does, it'll be more of a sincere comeback that starts with a phone call or a surprise visit below the block when he asks, 'Can you come down/over for awhile?' instead of the conveniently overused text system. Oh well. Guess I'm hoping a lil' too much. For now, all I can pray for is a reply. I hope that's not too much to ask for.

Ugh. Massive migraines are back. Shall sleep now and pray that the next time I visit my long-lost blog, I will be letting out a sigh of relief, knowing how things changed for the better. And maybe a smile too.

I wish you well, future me.

x

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